On Valentine's Day, Inven Global released an advanced, analytical personality quiz meant to pair people with the Super Smash Bros. Ultimate fighter that best suits their behavior and life goals. The matches were meant to spend Valentine's Day together to see how things would go with the possible love of their life.
I must report that the quiz was possibly not as ground-breaking and air-tight in its algorithm as once believed. Inven Global reporter Tim Masters took the quiz and then went on a date with the fighter who best matched his answers. And I'm embarrassed to say it was a disaster.
Here is his account of the harrowing experience.
Related: Take the Super Smash Bros. Ultimate Valentine's Day date quiz yourself!
Valentine's Day with Terry
Terry picked me up for our date, which he said was at a fancy restaurant in town. But when I got in the car he was wearing a biker jacket, jeans, and a cap. I asked if he had something smarter to change into as they might not let him in, but he muttered something about only having the same outfit in different colors, so I just ignored it and enjoyed the ride.
When we got to the restaurant, I was going to order my drink... But every time I tried to speak to the waiter Terry would just yell "grab a coke." So eventually I caved and went with that. I can’t lie, at this point I was a bit worried he might be one of those old-fashioned dudes, given his insistence on ordering for me — and the fact he was born at the start of the 70s.
I decided to give him a chance though, as sometimes people just get nervous. Plus he was in amazing shape even with the fact he’s pushing 50. A waiter came over to our table to ask Terry to take off his cap, but he refused, saying it was a reminder of his old friends, at which point we were asked to leave the place due to their dress code.
While he was talking to the maitre’d, I even tried to sneak out. But every time I moved behind Terry he would somehow instantly be facing me again. He noticed I was trying to leave, and asked, "Are you ok?"
But then before I could answer he dashed forward and punched me square in the balls, so hard that I flew backward, broke through the wall, and lost consciousness.