I'm confused by the character weights in Super Smash Bros. Ultimate


Source: Smash Bros. Legacy


Everyone who plays Super Smash Bros. Ultimate knows that fighters die when they can't get back on the stage, usually when they have too much damage and are blasted off the screen. You've probably noticed that each fighter has a different damage percentage where they become weak enough to fly off the stage with that intensity. So this means the weight of each character matters — but I'm confused why some characters are considered so "heavy" when they don't even weigh a lot. 


So how did Ultimate developers choose who is "heavy" and who is "light?" Is there any correlation between that and their actual cannon weight? 


Well, sort of. 


The super heavies in Smash include: 


1 Bowser 135
2 King K. Rool 133
3-4 Donkey Kong 127
3-4 King Dedede 127
5 Ganondorf 118
6-7 Charizard 116
6-7 Incineroar 116


As you can see, Bowser is quite heavy with the highest weight value in the entire game. This means that he requires the most damage to be vulnerable to knockback. This makes sense because — even though Bowser was shortened in Ultimate — he is 10' 2" in his actual games' cannon. And he is 1600 pounds! YES, BOWSER IS 1600 POUNDS IN MUSHROOM KINGDOM! 


But then... King K. Rool, who has almost the exact same weight value in Ultimate, is only 260 pounds in the Donkey Kong games. So... Is there a black hole inside of him? How is he almost the same weight value as Bowser, who is eight times heavier? 


And it gets weirder. Donkey Kong, who has a lower weight value than King K. Rool, is 800 pounds! So King K. Rool is 260 pounds... And you're telling me Donkey Kong is almost triple that? HOW!? How does this make sense? 


On the OTHER side of things, King Dedede is only 16 inches tall or so in his universe. Yet in Smash he is the same weight value as Donkey Kong, who is 7' 10" tall and 800 pounds. NINTENDO, PLEASE EXPLAIN YOURSELF! 



Going a bit further down the list, Piranha Plant has a larger weight value (112) than Samus, Richter, Simon, and RIDLEY (107). Ridley, who is over 13 feet tall and calculated to be 770 pounds. NINTENDO: ARE YOU TELLING ME THAT PIRANHA PLANT IS HEAVIER THAN RIDLEY, A SPACE PIRATE DRAGON!??! NINTENDO, I DO NOT GET IT! HELP ME!


So let's chat about featherweights — some of the characters with the lightest weight values in Smash. Rosalina... Sure, I won't ask her weight. I'll just go along with that. Falco... Probably spindly under his feathers, sure. Bayonetta, Zero Suit Samus... I won't ask. Kirby... Yes, he's eight inches tall. Olimar, yes, he's tiny. SEPHIROTH? MEWTWO? WHAT?!?!?! NINTENDO, ARE YOU OKAY???


Sephiroth is 6' 1" tall and solid muscle. His weight isn't listed as it appears in Final Fantasy, but I feel we can assume he is more than Olimar, who is less than an inch tall. Right? Am I crazy here? Mewtwo, who is lighter than Olimar and Sephiroth, is 6'7" tall. And Mewtwo is 267 pounds. WAIT... ISN'T THAT MORE THAN KING K. ROOL!?!?!?!?! Yes, I just looked — Mewtwo weighs more than King. K Rool by seven pounds. 1. This makes no sense but okay, they're from different universes. But in Smash — where they collide — WHY IS KING K. ROOL SO HEAVY AND MEWTWO SO LIGHT ESPECIALLY WHEN HE IS HEAVIER!? I HAVE A HUUUUGE HEADACHE. I NEED TO LAY DOWN!


A character that's clearly lighter than Olimar, who is under an inch tall


I'm just... 


It's just neverending. Jigglypuff is "balloonweight," at 12 pounds. Kirby is heavier yet he is clearly not 12 pounds if he's only eight inches tall. Who at Nintendo thought it made it sense to give them this weight value? Was it to mess with me? To destroy me? You're telling me Pac-Man is heavier than Peach, Duck Hunt, Palutena, Little Mac? HOW? I'M SO EXHAUSTED!


So yeah, it's clear that a character's cannon weight has NOTHING to do with their weight value in Smash Ultimate. That's fine. That's cool. 

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