Super Smash Bros. Ultimate tier list — but it's by Mardi Gras floats


Tuesday was Mardi Gras, which more importantly means there was a parade. Mardi Gras parades are known for many things, most of which are shameful and inappropriate. However, the floats are one part of the festivities that everyone can enjoy.


Always in for a wild time, the Smash universe is joining in on the fun. Several fighters have put their differences aside to come together and see who can create the most magnificent floats. Here is how the judges’ results panned out

1st Place — Isabelle & Villager


Don’t let their small size fool you, Isabelle and Villager are actually architectural geniuses. They played major roles in the planning, design, and construction of multiple cities in the Animal Crossing games. Building a Mardi Gras float is just another walk in the park for them. 


Isabelle and Villager’s float has the cleanest craftsmanship with the most precise attention to detail. Moreover, their warm and welcoming aesthetic is wholesome fun for all ages. Although it's not like anyone would really see (or remember) the float that clearly at a Mardi Gras parade. And are all ages even allowed?


Isabelle’s political connections from her job at the mayor’s office give their float some hidden bonus points. With just a few calls, she can ensure it gets the best spot in the parade and is seen by everyone. Furthermore, she could also sabotage any rival floats that get in their way. But Isabelle wouldn’t do that. Or would she?

2nd Place — Steve & Alex

Steve and Alex are master crafters who can literally build anything. They are experts at gathering resources, turning them into other resources, and somehow making monumental feats of art. Their unbridled imagination allows them to create nearly any float they set their minds to. 


With numerous tools at their disposal, no task is undoable for this soft-spoken duo. They’ve also spent plenty of time outdoors and are not afraid of some bumps and bruises. This unrivaled work ethic and ingenuity results in Steve and Alex creating an enormous monolith of Mario. Now they just need to figure out how to get it down Bourbon Street…


The only thing holding Steve and Alex’s float back is their outdated aesthetic. Despite the modern marvels of technology, they are still only capable of building with square blocks. Not only that but their artistic taste is stuck in the 80’s. And correct me if I’m wrong, but I do think that’s a zombie lurking around the float.  

3rd Place — Bowser & Bowser Jr.

King Koopa and his children have a long history of designing vehicles that belong in a parade. Bowser may never learn from his mistakes, but he’s still a master of engineering. Bowser Jr. is a chip right off the old block, not to mention he practically rides around in a personal parade float on the daily. They also have a devoted workforce of Koopas, Goombas, and other minions to help with labor. These villainous heathens were made for Mardi Gras.  


Delusions of grandeur always got in Bowser’s way when squaring off against Mario. In the Mardi Gras parade, they could finally come in handy. Bowser’s determination to be better than everyone else motivates him to build the best float in the parade. Unfortunately, this prevents him from focusing on the real prize: quality time with his son. It’s no surprise the two spent more time bickering than bonding while building their float. 


Bowser and Jr.’s obsession with clown-themed designs fits right in at the Mardi Gras parade. But as we’ve seen time and time again, their float malfunctions at the worst possible time. Bowser will surely blame Mario for the whole thing. Isabelle seems to be enjoying it, though. 

4th Place — Mewtwo & Olimar

At first glance, Mewtwo and Olimar building a float together doesn’t make a lot of sense. However, combining these two brilliant scientific minds creates a horde of untapped potential. As with all men and Pokemon of science, they’re going to have differences of opinion. The biggest challenge they have is overcoming each other’s ego and meeting in the middle. 


Coming together on a float design is a hard task, especially when Olimar keeps insisting on a spaceship. Building it, on the other hand, is child’s play. Mewtwo’s telekinesis makes it so no material is too heavy to lift. Olimar brings with him a Pikmin workforce that he quite literally plucks from the ground. The planetary explorer also has plenty of intergalactic resources, along with Mewtwo’s own machinations, that will make a float look out of this world. 


When it comes to arts and crafts, it's possible to be too smart for your own good. That is the case with Mewtwo and Olimar’s overly complex Mardi Gras float. To them it's an ode to science and discovery, but the parade-goers find it confusing and are mostly disinterested. The pair’s disconnect from society ultimately leads to their downfall. Well, in the float contest at least. 

5th Place — Kirby and Mr. Game & Watch

Two of the Nintendo world’s most creative minds join forces for their Mardi Gras float. Like all great artists, Kirby and Mr. Game & Watch are eccentrics with limitless imaginations. There are endless possibilities for their float, especially because they can obtain nearly any resource on a whim. Kirby has to eat something to actually become the resource, but Game & Watch can seemingly manifest materials out of thin air. 


Both Kirby and Game & Watch have deceptive strength, so their float is fairly large. Since everyone and their grandmother loves Kirby, it's the most anticipated attraction at the parade. Unfortunately, their contrasting visual styles get in the way of something spectacular. Kirby thinks the float should be bright and colorful, while Game & Watch wants a monochromatic colorway. 


A lack of communication also harms this team’s ability to stay on the same page. Kirby’s not much of a talker, and no one ever knows what Game & Watch is beeping and booping about. In fact, Game & Watch’s unhinged personality is something that can’t be ignored. Kirby should probably look into some therapy after all this is over. 

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