Some Super Smash Bros. Ultimate characters have decided to attempt New Years Resolutions — or at least pretend to. Will your favorite Smash fighter make some important changes? Discover a new passion? Improve themselves? Or are they just going to post about it?
S Tier — Already started to improve themselves
These are Super Smash Bros. fighters who took the initiative to make positive changes in 2021 without the looming concept of a number changing in the coming months.
Palutena — Palutena is a try-hard that always wants to better herself as well as others. She held yoga classes outside and also showered the earth with rays of light.
Isabelle — No matter what day of the year, Isabelle is constantly looking for ways to improve her life and the lives of others with excruciating optimism. Now everyone on the island can cook and all this other crap. UG, SHE'S SUCH A GOOD PERSON... DOG?
Wii Fit Trainer — They have been doing CrossFit and triathlons all year.
Zero Suit Samus — She isn't as selfless as some of the other fighters in S Tier but ZSS is always looking to improve herself, whether it's work, world saving, or her appearance. The only area of her life that still sucks is SSBU.
Sora — Okay, suck up. We get it.
A Tier - Made New Years Resolutions (and kept them)
These are Super Smash Bros. Ultimate fighters who stuck to their New Years Resolutions all year and truly made changes for the better. It may have started as a superficial Facebook post, but in the end they decided to truly improve themselves.
Pyra & Mythra — They made a resolution as a joke at first: "Be more modest." But then Aegis took it to heart and decided it was for the best to not show booba in 2021 if they wanted to get more involved with other projects at modest, conservative Nintendo. And now they have basically taken over Smash and become the most OP fighters in the roster — and there are no more balances coming. This is reality.
Pac-Man — The proud father posted a few dad jokes on Twitter about going on a diet (You are what you eat so I'm going to eat a skinny person) but then decided he would actually try to eat fewer power cookies. And he looks great! He also got a nose job.
Ness — The 13-year-old psychic has been through a lot and felt that his resolution was just to "survive." But Ness decided to learn some new yo-yo tricks and pick up a few hobbies, like magic. It's cringe but it makes him happy.
B Tier - Made New Years Resolutions (and gave up later)
These fighters started with good intentions. They got a two-week free trial to a gym and everything. But then their motivation faded and they went back to their usual routine. Unfortunately, some of their usual habits are crappy.
Mario — Mario swore this would be the year he decided to stop harassing Peach. He tried to distract himself with new activities, like playing Farmville and collecting antiques. But it didn't work, especially once he started looking at the drawings of Peach in Smash Ultimate Hell.
Wolf —Wolf tried to change his ways, even saving Fox when Aparoids invaded Corneria. But you know what? He likes to be a dick. Too bad.
Olimar — I won't sacrifice Pikman. I won't sacrifice Pikman. I... F--k it.
Bayonetta — She was going to make some changes. Maybe be a bit kinder, less sarcastic... But Bayonetta realized after biting her tongue for a few weeks that she didn't give a crap and just wanted to be herself. Anyone who doesn't accept it can go ask their mum.
Snake — He went to the gym for a little bit to make his butt round again. But after a while it just didn't seem worth the effort.
C Tier - Made New Years Resolutions (but never bothered with them)
These Smash Ultimate fighters are the epitome of "new year, new me." They like to say things that sound good to others but have no intentions of doing anything different. In the end, do they really HAVE to change just because it's a few days later?
Meta Knight — Meta Knight told others he would be more open. He would take off his mask, his gloves, let his guard down. He would show his emotions a bit more. But that never happened. Time to lead the Meta-Knights without this hoopblah in the way.
Peach — Maybe I'll learn to bake? Opens Postmates
Yoshi — Yoshi felt maybe this would be the year he would be less of a pushover. He even wrote a speech to Mario, something about not leaving him to die in a ditch yada yada. But yeah, he just ate it when Mario approached him. Oh well.
Piranha Plant — Maybe this is the year Piranha Plant will write to Nintendo, asking to be featured in more games. Like Mario Party.
D Tier - Never even pretended they'd change
These fighters don't even attempt to lie. They aren't changing. Stop asking.
Kirby — He will never stop eating.
Steve — No intentions to stop edgeguarding in the most annoying ways possible.
Ridley — Not even going to pretend he wants to be nicer.
Bowser — He was never going to stop using Grindr and won't pretend he's going to settle down.
Wario — His only goal is to fart even louder and more often.
King K Rool — No.
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